Grief comes in many forms. Some people grieve over a lost family member or pet. Others over lost friendships or even lost jobs from 20 years ago. (It’s true! It happens all the time.) Any type of loss can cause temporary grief. That’s part of life.

But it’s what we do after that loss that affects what happens next in our lives. So are we going to forge ahead and emerge victorious? Or are we going to continue to wallow in pity and sadness? It all depends on how we handle the process of loss.

When couples get divorced, there is no doubt they feel a sense of great loss and failure. Energetically, this actually shows up on the body as a scar. Their world is upturned in so many different ways, it’s hard to regain control. Everything seems off balance and out of sync. If you’ve experienced this, what can you do to regain a sense of balance and happiness? There are several solutions.

First, and most importantly, understand that being alone does not equal “loneliness.” If you find yourself feeling alone after a break up, then that isn’t a reflection of your partner’s leaving, it’s a reflection of you, and how you feel about yourself.

Being comfortable with your aloneness means you have enough personal satisfaction, interests, and self-love to fill yourself up, instead of relying on others to fill you up with their time and attention. (For more information on how to learn to love yourself, see “Your Relationship with Yourself.”)

A lot of people struggle with the idea of being happy when they’re alone, because for them, that means being “selfish.” But the word “selfish” has been given a bad rap. It sounds so negative. Guess what? It isn’t. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish on occasion. In fact, it is absolutely necessary for all of us to be selfish sometimes – especially when our psyche needs it!

Here are some worthwhile tips on how to love yourself through a loss:

  • Part ways amicably – even if you don’t feel that amicable. Remember the gifts of the relationship. There are many – you just need to look.
  • Make a decision to care for yourself instead of worrying about the other’s needs.
  • Stop focusing on what you think the other person is or is not doing. What they may be feeling now is none of your business. Instead, focus on what you need right now.
  • Do something you enjoy. Do what makes you laugh, sing, feel happy, and generally feel good inside. Boost that positive energy and feel good vibes!
  • Watch stupid comedies, dance a silly little jig. Buy and wear a tiara. There are a million different ways to be silly and have fun. Find what works best for you and do that!